/ / * this chapter & story is licensed CC BY-SA 4.0
* character(s), meme art & ft dialogue × ct
* writing & story × jb
* now streaming - Chapter 14 / 1:07 PM EST
*
13. Frens No Sell Frens Bits
*
The Phantom Toll Booth Operator
had a pyramid for a head,
with a cyclops eye in center.
“Hello,” he said, “Can I help you?”
Smolting looked around
“Am I in d sky?”
The Phantom Toll Booth Operator looked more closely.
“Are you a wassie?”
Smolting got panicked.
“Maybe if is oke.”
The operator said nothing / smol ting explained everything.
“Me was just climbing McDonald’s slide
& was here.
Not smoltings fault, relly, innocent mostly.”
The Phantom Toll Booth Operator blinked.
“i’ve never seen a Wassie before.” it said.
“dis also smolting’s first time,” he said.
The pyramid head nodded
“Well . . . you can’t come on Cloud 9 & 3/4
unless you own Magic Internet Money.”
smolting blinked.
“Magic Internet Money?” he repeated “Wat dat?”
The operator blinked.
“Essentially a special coin . .
but . . I’m afraid from what I’ve heard about wassies
it may be out of your price range . . .
even with the recent price dip, steep as it was .”
“smolting likes coins.”
The operator tried to break it to him gently —
“These coins are expensive.
I’m afraid you’re going to have to go back down the slide.”
“will buy now if oke.”
smolting poured out happy meal on the cloud.
banded bill stacks, mostly hundreds.
The Phantom Toll Booth Operator’s eye opened wide.
“My . .” he said, “What . . how . . where did you get all that money?”
smolting started scooping it up.
“McD’s has many lots of monies . .”
said smolting, piling some money on the Phantom Toll Booth.
“How many much Coin do me need to buy?”
suddenly,
calls from behind ~
“Smolting!”
“Where r we smol?”
“Wow dis place nice.”
chk, duk, platy, trout, frog, pepe, piggie,
& one-by-one, the rest of the gang also,
were climbing out the slide top.
“What by jove ~”
said the Phantom Toll Booth Operator,
“Wait a second, this is not right.”
“Hey guys, let’s have our happy meals here.”
“Yay.”
“Picnic on d cloud.”
Wassies were piling around, dropping ketchup packets & fries along the way.
The Phantom Toll Booth Operator picked up the phone.
“Security.”
Two chads popped up from out the cloud, armed with AKs.
Meanwhile smolting piled the rest of his cash on the toll booth.
“Smolting will buy coins for frens.”
The Phantom Toll Booth Operator held off the chads.
“Really?” he said, “I didn’t realize wassies were so generous.”
“Many tings r misunderstood, but smolting don’t mind.”
The Phantom Toll Booth Operator deposited the bills.
Typed keys.
Having pumped the coin with such influx,
the value of Cloud Coin commenced mooning.
“Splendid,”
said the Phantom Toll Booth Operator, price-admiring,
“You are now the owner of hundreds of thousands of Digital Cloud Coins.”
he added, handing smolting a Crypto Smart Phone,
“Now what?”
“You HODL.”
Wassies called from their picnic circle
“hey smol, come sit w us!”
“What he doing with dat cone head?”
“One minnut,” he told them, then asked “What is HODL?”
The Phantom Toll Booth Operator said:
“It means you Hold On For Dear Life to Cloud Coin.”
“Oke,” he said, just standing there. “EZ so far.”
Duk stepped up beside Smolting.
“Was dat ting?” he asked, “Was dat button do?”
He pressed smolting’s phone.
At the touch, the cloud shook.
The Phantom Operator’s Cyclops Eye enlarged huge.
“O God,” said the Operator. “O no.”
“Wat?” / “Waat?”
- asked smol / asked duk
“You . . you sold all your bits . . just pumped & rugged the Coin . .”
Just like that, the cloud started to quake.
”Mistake?” said smol, checking phone. “Looks kinda liek smolting has many monies now
“Frens Don’t Sell Frens Bits”
The cloud was rumbling.
“Oke well wat happening, tho,” said smol, “Wassies don’t well balance on shaky cloud.”
The Phantom Toll Booth Operator started typing, quite panick’d.
“What was I thinking . . selling Coins to Wassies. Security! Seize them!
But the Chads, too, even in all their prime alpha, were tottering forth & back.
*
It was too late,
for the cloud was already breaking,
& next thing,
wassies, falling through sky,
amidst a new world
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notes on writing
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